For a long time, I’ve lived my life from a mindset of scarcity. I hesitate somewhat to write about this, as it might seem flippant coming from a white, middle class young woman who has never gone hungry or been unhoused. My college education was partially paid for by a scholarship I earned by working my ass off in school, but it was predominantly financed by my parents. I currently hold a well-paying job in my chosen field, and I often choose to purchase higher-quality, more expensive items, particularly when it comes to clothing and art supplies. True scarcity of relationships, support, opportunity, finances, food, clothing, or housing have never played a role in my life. But despite the privileges that I enjoy, I sometimes still feel a little uneasy, as if I were holding my breath, feeling as though I have to make do with as little as possible. I think that those feelings are experienced by people of all backgrounds, and that they are worth examining.
The feelings of scarcity I experience result from my mindset and beliefs rather than from my socioeconomic situation. That mindset has a lot to do with a lack of trust. For both better and worse, I am usually very self-reliant. I often hesitate to ask for and accept help, and I sometimes doubt that other people will be there for me. Also, my scarcity mindset has to do with what I believe about the level and kind of care I deserve. Being part of a community and participating in the “take” as well as the “give” can be difficult for me. Sometimes I hold myself back from enjoying what I have been given because I don’t think I deserve it. Believing that I am worthy of good things and deserve the care that others give to me is an area in which I am currently growing.
How does one overcome this scarcity mindset? To begin, I believe it is helpful to think about the opposite of scarcity. I am choosing to use the word “abundance,” because it feels more healing than words like “excess” or “surplus,” which bring to mind extravagance, self-indulgence, and waste, which are not my goals. For me, the word “abundance” brings thoughts of joy, of being filled, of savoring, of overflowing, of a life lived “to the full.” None of these necessarily have to do with acquiring new material things, or with material things at all. I truly believe that abundance as a mindset or way of living can be practiced and made habitual. A concept that has been coming to mind recently is that “how you spend your days is how you spend your life.” That thought is very sobering for me, considering how much time I waste, but it’s also a spark, a challenge, an encouragement that I can take a step forward today.
A tiny way I’ve been practicing abundance is by buying myself flowers and keeping my nightstand vase full. The flowers aren’t “necessary,” and they increase my grocery shopping total by about $5 every time I buy them, but they are important. When I pick out which flowers I want this week, when I pay for them, when I cut their stems and put them in water after getting home, I am teaching myself, “You are worthy of having pretty flowers in your home. You are worthy of caring for yourself in this way. You can exhale–the extra cost is not going to hurt you. You can trust that you are still provided for.”
Another way of practicing abundance is with food. Food can be such a touchy topic, and there is so much shame associated with what you eat, how much you eat, how you prepare it, and where it came from. I have no interest in adding to that shame. But preparing good, hearty meals that I truly enjoy has been a way to care for myself recently and to show myself that I do have enough time to eat well. A few weeks ago I made homemade pizza dough, mainly because I didn’t have a premade crust on hand, but it felt really good to put those homemade slices on my plate and know that even though I was eating alone that night, I was still worth making that crust for. And the simple act of boiling water and making tea is another way I practice abundance. As I hold a mug given to me by a friend and sip my steaming tea, the warmth of the drink seeps into me and reminds me that I’m loved and cared for even in the smallest of ways.
The daily gratitude list I’ve started keeping in my planner has also been a great way to intentionally think about the blessings in my life. Many of the things I’ve listed I usually take for granted—libraries, Christmas lights, being able to walk, watercolors—and some of them seem bigger, like having a woman as Vice President for the first time! Either way, watching that list fill up throughout the month is a way to acknowledge the overflowing goodness and abundance in my life. I have so much to be thankful for, and I want gratitude to become a habit in my mind and an occupant of my heart.
I don’t have a grand conclusion to these thoughts. I’ve only recently started retraining my scarcity mindset, and there are surely many other ways to practice abundance besides the ones I’ve listed. Learning to truly accept abundance and love is difficult, but it’s something that I’m going to keep practicing. It’s an inhalation, an exercise in trust that the rug is not about to be pulled out from under me, that I’m not going to be left on my own. It’s a reminder that I’m loved, and that I’m going to be okay.
Photo by Loverna Journey on Unsplash.
